Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
