I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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