dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
