I'm laying in your front yard are you home
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
then he tried to convert me to islam
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
