At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
