That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
