So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
