Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
