if you like me you must not know who I am
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Randomize
