now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
