Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
