What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
