I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
