Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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