we're blogging at a bar
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
