You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
