i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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