I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
