if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
