this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize