it wasn't lemon gatorade
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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