I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
They are going to name an STD after you.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
