weddingsv make me drug and hornr
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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