Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
