Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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