I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
