Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
