the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You dont lie about slip and slides
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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