he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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