It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize