I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
