i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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