I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize