nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
