i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
