Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
