Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
