I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
