If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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