Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize