butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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