1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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