Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
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