and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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