You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
