I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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