I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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