He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
