She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
