That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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