My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
