it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
