How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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