I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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