She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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