Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
