I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
