Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
