I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
