Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
