i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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