I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize