he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
