Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize