and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We are two peas in an std pod
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He better not be in your backpack
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
