its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
