AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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