New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
