i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize