The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
