I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
