OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
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