i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize