My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
