By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
