we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
