I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I think your dad took our porno
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
