I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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