have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
