my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
