I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
