We named our party play list daddy issues
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
