You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
