My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
