I can text with my tongue
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
