Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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