I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
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