i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
ugly people sure do ruin things
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
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