whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize