I can't breathe out the right side of my face
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
