it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
