I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
