Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
