Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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