My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
