went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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