just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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