if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
How does one acquire holy water?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
