Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize