I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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